When I’m not Enough…My Source and Supply

by Meredith Mills @DazzledByTheSon

I can’t. 

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When I’m not enough – strong enough, experienced enough, grown-up enough…

The job is too big. I feel too small. 

The pain is too deep. The broken pieces too many.

I’m not strong enough. Smart enough. Experienced enough…

Have emotions like these every hijacked your heart? It happens to me all. the. time.

Like when the pot’s boiling over, the child’s calling from the bathroom, the phone’s ringing and my hands are in soapy water.

Or when the day looms daunting ahead, and I just want to pull the covers up and go back to sleep.

Or when I go to a writers’ conference and start comparing myself to real writers.

Or when a loved one’s heart is breaking and I want to fix it, heal it, make all the hurt go away.

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Life is complicated and messy and rarely turns out how I plan

Life is complicated and messy and it rarely turns out how I plan. Sometimes I feel inadequate for this life God has given me.

That’s why I find the story of Jesus feeding the 5000 so very encouraging (Mark 6:34-44).

Jesus and His disciples needed to get away. Their days were so full of need-meeting that they hadn’t even had time to eat. It was definitely time for a break. But when they arrived at their planned retreat, a large crowd of needy people were waiting.

Jesus’ compassionate heart shifted gears. He spent the day loving on those who came to Him. But by the end of the day, His disciples were done. They came to Him with their plan – “Send the people away so they can eat.”

Jesus’ response astounds me. “You give them something to eat.”

Ummm….come again? We must have misheard Him. Did He say for us to feed them? Doesn’t He know that we can’t feed all these people? Is He that out of touch with “reality”? 

I find myself wondering, why would Jesus tell His followers to do something impossible?

But did He? Was their assignment really impossible?

Actually, He told them exactly what He was about to do – with their hands. They would give those people something to eat.

It seemed impossible, though, because they instinctively looked to their own resources. If they relied on what they had, they would be stuck with just that. Jesus’ plan, however, was bigger than the disciples and their resources.

He told them to take inventory and come talk to Him about it. They brought a mere five loaves and two measly fish to Jesus and watched as He blessed what they gave Him. Then He put into their hands what they needed to feed every one of those people.

But not all at once. He gave them a little and they gave it away. When they used it all up, Jesus gave them more. And they did it again. And again. And again, until every person was fed.

And that is how we do the impossible, too. 

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Broken and small, but enough in His hands.

We offer ourselves to Jesus – all our strengths and weaknesses, experiences and memories, joys and sorrows…all we have and all we are. He takes what we give Him, broken or small as it may be. Then He uses our hands, our hearts, to feed the hungry souls around us and to live out His call on our lives.

He gives us wisdom for decisions we must make.

He provides strength to do more than we’re capable of on our own.

He forms endurance in us through the struggles we face.

He tunes our hearts to His so He can love the world through us.

He does this over and over again, as we keep coming back to Him for more – more intimacy, more grace, more strength, ultimately, more of Him.

For God Himself is both our Source and our Supply. He has already given us everything we need for godly living. (Check out 2 Cor 3:5 and 2 Pet 1:3.)

What about you? How have you seen Him multiply your “loaves and fish” so you can live beyond yourself? Please join in the conversation – I’d love to learn from your journey!

Related posts:

Redefining Success, Part One

Redefining Success, Part Two

12 thoughts on “When I’m not Enough…My Source and Supply

  1. So excited to see this Not Enough post – started to read. (Not sure why, but I want to record the parts I adore.

    examples + comparisons are real life

    “Life is complicated and messy …”

    segue into 5000 account

    “days full of need-meeting”

    They came to Him with their plan – (doesn’t matter what theirs was, it’s what I do all the time)

    “mere five loaves” “two measly fish”

    Thank you for the point that it didn’t happen all at once. It must have happened again and again and again. I wonder how many people, like me, simply read right over that spot as it if was an instantaneous event and then continue reading.

    OH WOW – “And that is how we do the impossible, too.”

    Adore the meme. BREAD to FEED hungry souls 🙂

    I feel your writer’s heart singing throughout this whole piece.

    “tunes our hearts to His so …”

    Okay, now I’m in tears – “He does this over and over again as we keep coming back toHim for more – more intimacy, more grace, more strength, ultimately more of Him.” THIS is the key piece for me – to return to Him again and again for what I need … these very things.

    YES, God is my Source and Supply.

    2 Corinthians 3:5 Amplified version – 5 Not that we are sufficiently qualified in ourselves to claim anything as comingfrom us, but our sufficiency and qualifications come from God.

    2 Peter 1:3 in Amplified version – 3 For His divine power has bestowed on us [absolutely] everything necessary for [a dynamic spiritual] life and godliness, through [a ]true and personal knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.

    Meredith, I’m rejoicing that you set out this experience you had with our God. Thank you. It touches my heart all over again from when you shared it with us. I pray everyone who reads it will be blessed intimately by their own touch points.

    May He continue to speak to you and equip you to share those conversations.

    Delighting in His hands, Sandra

    Sandra Allen Lovelace Speaker. Writer. Pursuer. Latest title, Children in Church: Nurturing Hearts of Worship Director, Lifework Forum Blogger, Sandra Allen Lovelace

    Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

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  2. Yes, Meredith, this is really good…and timely. I especially like the connection to the loaves & fish. The disciples DID give the food to the masses–food that Jesus handed to them. It wasn’t out of their resources but out of His.

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